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I want to start by thanking Empire. It offered me an escape from reality when reality sucked. dont get me wrong, it still does - hardly have an exciting life. But still, it gave me the escape i needed. Gave me a place where i came to think maybe i mattered, and i was important.
But what i thank Empire for more, is for introducing me to Judem. She has always been there for me, and for a long time in this game we were glued to the hip! Wouldnt go anywhere without eachother. Except it's more than just friendship, I love her. i know im probably going to get messages from people telling me it's stupid, calling me a kid maybe. But im not a child, and whether its stupid or not, i do love her. She has this amazing accent and this cute way she raises eyebrows and bites her lip... and sometimes we just talk and talk for hours, nothing to do with empire. just me and her. and during that time it feels like im complete. Because me and Judem... i just dont know what to write. because i dont know a word good enough to describe how she makes me feel. All i know is the 8000 miles between us will not stop me.
Now tonight, i had a freak out. I came online to find out she had decided to change to a different alliance and i lost it. I know, stupid thing to lose it over. i do know that. But me and Judem being apart even if its just on some stupid game, the idea still hurt. because aside from skype, Empire is all we have right now. Now we dont have that. And it isnt her fault because i know she wasnt happy in the alliance and i kept saying i would improve it but i just didnt do enough to improve it quick enough. So the blame is mine there i know. I tried to keep everyone happy and in the end i just made her unhappy in this game.
I did completely lose it though. Quit my alliance, told Judem i didnt see us having a future - full on temper tantrum i have to admit. I know its just an alliance and doesnt matter but feeling like i was losing her in any way, feeling guilty because i could have avoided it, feeling frustrated that such a stupid thing can affect me so emotionally. All ended in a tantrum.
I don't know yet how badly i've messed up tonight, maybe there's hope maybe there isn't. That i have to wait to see. and hope for the best.
So when you see my castle on UK1 server, sitting there alone, as it will be come tomorrow night, when you attack it, raid it, steal those RV's, remember why im there alone. Im alone because for first time in weeks, im going to properly put her first; which means stopping try to create the "best" alliance or whatever stupid vision i had before.
This game can introduce you to the most amazing and beautiful people. But if you get too sucked in, it will take those people away from you too. I wanted to have a reputation in this game, to make myself a legend. and i have made myself one. not of the player who was best attacker or alliance leader... im the player who had it all, and lost it all by foolishly trying to get more than i needed.
Don't make my mistake. it's not the honour, or glory, or alliance that matters. its that people you meet and make bonds with.
Reality doesn't really suck ^^
how can you tell that judem is a girl and not a dude?!?!?!
Judging by this: "She has this amazing accent and this cute way she raises eyebrows and bites her lip.", I would say that he has talked to her on webcam.
FINALLY some honesty. Thank you CM Malreyn.
Go HERE, or FACE MY WRATH!
Zub-Zub @ usa 1