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The Bean Story
People say Broccoli is terrible, and Brussels sprouts, and I listened to that for quite some time, almost throwing up whenever I was to eat them, but, I soon found out that they were not as bad, they hardly had a taste, they were still revolting but... not yuckily tasting... they were plain. But, there is one vegetable I will never eat - BEANS.
I was seated at the dinner table, presumably in a high chair, throwing my nightly temper tantrum about having to swallow vegetables. The healthy, gross item of my torture that evening was beans, and I was determinedly keeping those things out of my mouth no matter what. My mother had tried asking politely, cajoling, threatening, bribing, and a number of other tactics. Eventually she tried a new tactic, one that my small brain wasn't prepared for: Lying. (Dun dun dun) In a moment of evil brilliance, my mother announced that, "You have to eat you veggies or you won’t be tall. You can’t get bigger without beans." (And even now, I'm short for my age, I have always been. At the age of 3, my younger sister had caught up to me...) With this, I gulped down the disgusting things and ran to the wall where our height was marked, expecting to see I was twice the size of my last measuring. When I didn't, a small part of my innocence died, and I learned mummy was never to be trusted ever again.
Still, she’d won the battle, and happily announced that it was bedtime. I stormed off to my room and put on my 'my little pony' pj's. (I've seen a picture of when me and my brother swapped pj's and knew that it was I wore at this age...) I lay in bed, sulking angrily. In the midst of my anger, I noticed something felt different, something had changed. It took me 10 seconds to realize what my body had done...
Angels sang. Light beamed down from the heavens. Doves flew in slow motion out the bedroom door. Mufasa spoke to me from the clouds. A herd of centaurs fired a fleet of arrows from the woods. Olmec’s jaw dropped. A mermaid shed a single tear. Unicorns everywhere bowed low in respect.
I sat there in stunned amazement. My feet could touch the bottom of bed. I lay down with my head touching the top of my bed and stretched down my legs. I could feel the wood at the bottom of my bed!
It took me roughly 4 seconds to logically piece together what must have happened and, once I was sure I had it reasoned out, I screamed at the top of my lungs,
"MOM!!! THE BEANS ARE WORKING!!!"