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Princesses
Sarah1919 (AU1)
Posts: 3,817
For some time now, I’ve been playing mad scientist in a secret laboratory under my house. The laboratory itself took several years of construction – one year of digging, one year of installing super-sciencey appliances, and three years to pick out the perfect shade of pristine white for the walls. My underground lab – codenamed The Batcave -- has since produced all sorts of miraculous inventions, such as the inflatable mattress, the sleeping bag (originally named 'potato sack', and a radical new design for ninja stars to be released in 2016.
But one of my main inventions I mean to create is a teleporter that will take me to the Disney Movie of my choice. Animated princesses are pretty awesome. In almost 100% of the following cases they’re cute, have hearts of gold, and have lots of money that hasn't made them snobbish. If only all females were made like this...
Well, I've decided whilst I am there, I shall find my brother a future bride. A game some people made up called Marry-Kiss-Kill will be my formula to choosing the future bride of my brother. (currently aged 8...)
But since I am a kind hearted soul, I've altered kill to 'gently nudge off a cliff'.
I have narrowed the list down to 6 possible brides: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Mulan, Belle, Pocahontas and Jasmine. Now, not having a hat or bowl in reach from the couch, I put each of the names on a piece of paper, and placed them in my pocket -picking them out in random order to decide team a and b. Team a: Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Jasmine.
Team B: Pocahontas, a Woolworth's receipt, Belle, Cinderella.
The first rounds will be decided via 'Marry, Kiss, Gentle Nudge off a cliff'. Then, I will just have to see which one my brother would rather...
Team A|Round 1:
Gentle Nudge off a cliff: Mulan
Slightly awkward, super cute, fights like a boss, and hangs out with a baby dragon. Usually these traits would be the winning combination, but this princess has 2 main knocks against her: 1. She dresses like a guy for 2/3 or her movie! And 2. She fights for China – China is a communist country – she’s a communist. (no offence intended – only for the sake of the debate)
Kiss: Sleeping Beauty
Beautiful, Smart, graceful – you name the quality – she had it! She’d be the perfect bride for my brother if she was an early riser, my brother wakes up at 6 in the morning, she wakes up a few years later... I don’t think that will do... also, since I will be intruding this fairytale, my brother would not be ‘destiny’s choice’ so my brother would not wake her from her slumber, meaning she’s a no can do.
Marry: Jasmine
Ms. Aladdin almost won this by default – She’s got that exotic flair, big adoring eyes plus a pet tiger. She is adventurous, independant and looks good in silks, and if I were worrying about financial difficulties – Have you seen her dad’s house? THE SULTAN IS LOADED!
So, after that round, Jasmine is in the running for my brother’s bride.
Team B|Round 1
Gently Nudge Off a Cliff: Cinderella
Poor girl never stood a chance – although she has a fairy godmother and seems sweet enough, can you imagine going to visit her family for the holidays?! And her entire destiny revolves around shoes – that’s freaky.
Kiss: Pocahontas
She’s a free spirit and is friends with all sorts of cool animals. The fact that she’s based on a real person would give her us something in common. And most importantly, Pocahontas translates to, ‘the naughty one.’ John Smith was no dummy.
That being said, the whole ‘in touch with nature’ thing may take a toll on our relationship -- I can’t imagine she’d agree with my bro’s penchant for heavily processed foods. Also, her dad was TERRIFYING. If Pocahontas and my brother ever got into a lover’s quarrel, his head would be rolling around in the dirt.
Marry: Belle
So we somewhat unexpectedly land on Belle, the girl who shunned the affections of my most hated villain ever! She’s French, which is cool, and her dad Maurice is a total kook, which is also fun. This ‘Beauty’ is a nerdy bookworm -- this is, for the record, the quickest way to my brother’s heart.
So now we are left with the Arabian Princess and a French peasant. I wonder which one my brother will take liking too...
Who would you 'gently nudge off a cliff', 'kiss' and 'marry'?
But one of my main inventions I mean to create is a teleporter that will take me to the Disney Movie of my choice. Animated princesses are pretty awesome. In almost 100% of the following cases they’re cute, have hearts of gold, and have lots of money that hasn't made them snobbish. If only all females were made like this...
Well, I've decided whilst I am there, I shall find my brother a future bride. A game some people made up called Marry-Kiss-Kill will be my formula to choosing the future bride of my brother. (currently aged 8...)
But since I am a kind hearted soul, I've altered kill to 'gently nudge off a cliff'.
I have narrowed the list down to 6 possible brides: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Mulan, Belle, Pocahontas and Jasmine. Now, not having a hat or bowl in reach from the couch, I put each of the names on a piece of paper, and placed them in my pocket -picking them out in random order to decide team a and b. Team a: Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Jasmine.
Team B: Pocahontas, a Woolworth's receipt, Belle, Cinderella.
The first rounds will be decided via 'Marry, Kiss, Gentle Nudge off a cliff'. Then, I will just have to see which one my brother would rather...
Team A|Round 1:
Gentle Nudge off a cliff: Mulan
Slightly awkward, super cute, fights like a boss, and hangs out with a baby dragon. Usually these traits would be the winning combination, but this princess has 2 main knocks against her: 1. She dresses like a guy for 2/3 or her movie! And 2. She fights for China – China is a communist country – she’s a communist. (no offence intended – only for the sake of the debate)
Kiss: Sleeping Beauty
Beautiful, Smart, graceful – you name the quality – she had it! She’d be the perfect bride for my brother if she was an early riser, my brother wakes up at 6 in the morning, she wakes up a few years later... I don’t think that will do... also, since I will be intruding this fairytale, my brother would not be ‘destiny’s choice’ so my brother would not wake her from her slumber, meaning she’s a no can do.
Marry: Jasmine
Ms. Aladdin almost won this by default – She’s got that exotic flair, big adoring eyes plus a pet tiger. She is adventurous, independant and looks good in silks, and if I were worrying about financial difficulties – Have you seen her dad’s house? THE SULTAN IS LOADED!
So, after that round, Jasmine is in the running for my brother’s bride.
Team B|Round 1
Gently Nudge Off a Cliff: Cinderella
Poor girl never stood a chance – although she has a fairy godmother and seems sweet enough, can you imagine going to visit her family for the holidays?! And her entire destiny revolves around shoes – that’s freaky.
Kiss: Pocahontas
She’s a free spirit and is friends with all sorts of cool animals. The fact that she’s based on a real person would give her us something in common. And most importantly, Pocahontas translates to, ‘the naughty one.’ John Smith was no dummy.
That being said, the whole ‘in touch with nature’ thing may take a toll on our relationship -- I can’t imagine she’d agree with my bro’s penchant for heavily processed foods. Also, her dad was TERRIFYING. If Pocahontas and my brother ever got into a lover’s quarrel, his head would be rolling around in the dirt.
Marry: Belle
So we somewhat unexpectedly land on Belle, the girl who shunned the affections of my most hated villain ever! She’s French, which is cool, and her dad Maurice is a total kook, which is also fun. This ‘Beauty’ is a nerdy bookworm -- this is, for the record, the quickest way to my brother’s heart.
So now we are left with the Arabian Princess and a French peasant. I wonder which one my brother will take liking too...
Who would you 'gently nudge off a cliff', 'kiss' and 'marry'?
Post edited by Sarah1919 (AU1) on
0
Comments
"Nudge off a cliff" -Cinderella or Sleeping beauty. It's a close call. I might would push both off if I had the chance. Cinderella cried until she got her way and didn't know how to stand up for herself. Aurora touched the needle point of the spinning wheel [seriously who does things like that]. Both of these have magic fairies come in and fix there problems. Weak! And can I point out but neither of them have any friends except animals. That's creepy.
Kiss - Jasmine. She's super cute and has a tiger, what's not to love. Not to love list: the attitude [could tell her anything, would never list to you], dealing with the Jafar [after playing Kingdom Hearts he is my least liked Disney villain. I loath him. Seriously.] And Pocahontas. One of my favorite princess. The only one with an actually human being as a friend. Gets advice from a tree other than animals like squirrels.... Visiting her would be nice but my brother wouldn't give up videogames to go live in the wilderness.
Marry - Mulan. Hands down. Girl knows what she wants. Knows how to get it. And is down with doing anything to get it. She's respectful and beautiful [love the hair]. Awesome family. Has a dragon that's as funny as Eddie Murphy [forget the tiger that doesn't talk] and can swing a sword like a man. Sure she's rough around the edges but she's smart on her feet and has a sense of humor. Belle was close behind but Belle tends to scream and nag and cry until she gets her way. Not much of a fighter.
But that's me
I’m aware Snow White is a noticeable exception from this list, but she apparently was 14 years old in the movie, and I’m not willing to rot in a dungeon for statutory.
But Rapunzel is adorable lol
And come on Aidan, pick your woman
There ain't going be no fairy god mothers to save you from me! Mwahahahahahahahah!
So in other words,
Push of cliff - everyone
Kiss - this fantasy world goodbye
Mary - had a little lamb, well, at least until I eat it!
Aladdin is my favorite Disney movie, bar none. I once insisted mid-major-house-party that everyone watch the entire film with me, and then, once most everyone was asleep in bed/on the floor/outside/in jail at 3am, I watched it again by myself. It’s fantabulous in every sense of the word, and Jasmine’s exploits are well known to me.
But I honestly haven’t seen Beauty in the Beast in ages and am unfamiliar with my brother's potential wife’s exploits. So since the proposition of deciding upon my brother's future bride is no jokeable matter, I decided to watch Beauty and the Beast. I took notes through-out the film, they are below;
-Basically, Belle likes fantasy books, but she was born in a time when that was considered odd. Imagine if Belle was born in 1990 and, you know, in this universe – she’d absolutely be a Game of Thrones nut. This is a good thing.
-This actually isn't Belle related… but don’t you wish everyone in your town sung perfectly choreographed impromptu songs every morning?
-Belle disappears for a while her dad gets imprisoned by Beast. It was during this action that I remember how much I love Chip, the child teacup.
-Sometime after all that, I realized that Belle’s got really shiny lips. I didn't know provincial France had lip gloss. Interesting in and of itself, but more interesting is that Belle is clearly appearance-conscious.
-She immediately accepts the magical furniture in Beast’s castle, which I appreciate. Also, I’m not going to hold her obstinate attitude about that first dinner against her – it’s true, Beast is no Prince Charming.
-'Be Our Guest' is a fantastic song. I mentioned earlier that having an entire village sing every morning would be pretty cool, but what if all your furniture sang at every meal? Up your game, village.
-Some girls would be scared of an enchanted castle. Others fight to get a guided tour. I’m falling for Belle.
-Great snowball thrower. My brother and Belle's children would be both smart and athletic.
And so, after dedicating 90 mins of time to this movie, it would not be fair not to give Aladdin the same treatment, so, I will be watching Aladdin today and will give out the final rose some time today! Ba-bye for now!
-Jasmine isn't the main character of the movie – the protagonist is Aladdin. So she’s lacks the star power to carry a feature by herself. No idea if this should matter or not, just an observation.
-I’m still bothered that the lamp looks like a teapot...
-Don’t get any princess action until almost twelve minutes in – her dad is pretty short, so our kids are not going to be basketball stars. But neither was Maurice (Belle’s father) – looks like either way I won’t be sitting courtside at the Sydney King’s final.
-She owns a tiger. I don’t feel this needs more explanation.
-Looking for love, and in that pursuit she dresses much more scantily than Belle. More tellingly, Aladdin is immediately smitten – I imagine this is how my brother shall react when they meet.
-While a basketball career seems unlikely for our potential offspring, she’s good at singing, and a natural pole vaulter.
-“She’s smart and fun and beautiful and her eyes and this hair and her smile and *sigh*” –says the guy who actually knows her..
-‘Make wayyyy for prince Aliiii’. Forget villages, furniture, and police >> now we have a magically-summoned parade singing songs. ‘HE’S GOT THE MONKEYS, HE’S GOT THE MONKEYS’
-She’s willing to get on risky modes of transportation (flying carpet) with strange boys. My brother plans on getting a flying toilet....
-Side note: Jaffar turning into a snake gave me nightmares for weeks, the first time I watched it. I would dream I was swimming in a pool and that snake would be swimming round, eating everybody...
-Maybe the most telling fact comes right at the end of the movie: ‘There’s not going to be another girl like her for a million years’ –Genie
Not burying the lead here – I’m legitimately torn. A few something’s of consultation and intense discussion will be needed to decided on my brother’s future. Until then, ta-ta!