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But one of my main inventions I mean to create is a teleporter that will take me to the Disney Movie of my choice. Animated princesses are pretty awesome. In almost 100% of the following cases they’re cute, have hearts of gold, and have lots of money that hasn't made them snobbish. If only all females were made like this...
Well, I've decided whilst I am there, I shall find my brother a future bride. A game some people made up called Marry-Kiss-Kill will be my formula to choosing the future bride of my brother. (currently aged 8...)
But since I am a kind hearted soul, I've altered kill to 'gently nudge off a cliff'.
I have narrowed the list down to 6 possible brides: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Mulan, Belle, Pocahontas and Jasmine. Now, not having a hat or bowl in reach from the couch, I put each of the names on a piece of paper, and placed them in my pocket -picking them out in random order to decide team a and b. Team a: Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Jasmine.
Team B: Pocahontas, a Woolworth's receipt, Belle, Cinderella.
The first rounds will be decided via 'Marry, Kiss, Gentle Nudge off a cliff'. Then, I will just have to see which one my brother would rather...
Team A|Round 1:
Gentle Nudge off a cliff: Mulan
Slightly awkward, super cute, fights like a boss, and hangs out with a baby dragon. Usually these traits would be the winning combination, but this princess has 2 main knocks against her: 1. She dresses like a guy for 2/3 or her movie! And 2. She fights for China – China is a communist country – she’s a communist. (no offence intended – only for the sake of the debate)
Kiss: Sleeping Beauty
Beautiful, Smart, graceful – you name the quality – she had it! She’d be the perfect bride for my brother if she was an early riser, my brother wakes up at 6 in the morning, she wakes up a few years later... I don’t think that will do... also, since I will be intruding this fairytale, my brother would not be ‘destiny’s choice’ so my brother would not wake her from her slumber, meaning she’s a no can do.
Ms. Aladdin almost won this by default – She’s got that exotic flair, big adoring eyes plus a pet tiger. She is adventurous, independant and looks good in silks, and if I were worrying about financial difficulties – Have you seen her dad’s house? THE SULTAN IS LOADED!
So, after that round, Jasmine is in the running for my brother’s bride.
Team B|Round 1
Gently Nudge Off a Cliff: Cinderella
Poor girl never stood a chance – although she has a fairy godmother and seems sweet enough, can you imagine going to visit her family for the holidays?! And her entire destiny revolves around shoes – that’s freaky.
She’s a free spirit and is friends with all sorts of cool animals. The fact that she’s based on a real person would give her us something in common. And most importantly, Pocahontas translates to, ‘the naughty one.’ John Smith was no dummy.
That being said, the whole ‘in touch with nature’ thing may take a toll on our relationship -- I can’t imagine she’d agree with my bro’s penchant for heavily processed foods. Also, her dad was TERRIFYING. If Pocahontas and my brother ever got into a lover’s quarrel, his head would be rolling around in the dirt.
So we somewhat unexpectedly land on Belle, the girl who shunned the affections of my most hated villain ever! She’s French, which is cool, and her dad Maurice is a total kook, which is also fun. This ‘Beauty’ is a nerdy bookworm -- this is, for the record, the quickest way to my brother’s heart.
So now we are left with the Arabian Princess and a French peasant. I wonder which one my brother will take liking too...
Who would you 'gently nudge off a cliff', 'kiss' and 'marry'?