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Jokeland

Pepper Moon (IN1)Pepper Moon (IN1) Posts: 6,684
edited 01.04.2015 in The Chicken Coop
Rules -

1. Everyone posts funny jokes.
2. They cant be racist or vulgar.

Have fun! :D
Post edited by Pepper Moon (IN1) on


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  • Pepper Moon (IN1)Pepper Moon (IN1) Posts: 6,684
    edited 08.02.2013
    Here i start -

    A blonde keeps running back and forth on his driveway checking his mail.

    One day her confused older neighbor asks her why is she doing that so often and the blonde replies:

    “I don’t understand what’s going on but my computer keeps telling that I’ve got mail!?”


    smiley-laughing024.gif


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  • Dinofarmer22232Dinofarmer22232 Posts: 10
    edited 09.02.2013
    My thread, aeh?
    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
    The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
    The second guy wishes the same.
    The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."


    laughing_so_hard_hes_crying1.gif
    Dinododo on the way!
  • kaitlyno1kaitlyno1 Posts: 5
    edited 21.02.2013
    Okay here's mine:
    Yo momma so fat, she sat on the iPod and made the iPad.
    *no H8*
    kaitlyno1 @ us 1
  • yanaroxxyanaroxx Posts: 2,755
    edited 21.02.2013
    Several men are sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising, when suddenly a cell phone sitting on the bench rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
    “Hello?”
    “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
    “Yes.”
    “Great! I’m at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”
    “What’s the price?”
    “Only $1,500.00.”
    “Okay, but for that price I want it with all the extras.”
    “Great! But before we hang up, there’s something else…”
    “Yes?”
    “It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we looked at last year is on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, an acre of park area, beachfront property…”
    “How much are they asking?”
    “Only $450,000…a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank…”
    “Well, then, go ahead and buy it, but only bid $420,000. Okay?”
    “Okay, sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later! I love you!”
    “Bye…” The man hangs up, closes the phone flap, and yells, “Hey, does anybody know whose phone this is?”
    Aah Why Bother? So Long, Suckerz..
    *quits*

    ._.
  • Pepper Moon (IN1)Pepper Moon (IN1) Posts: 6,684
    edited 21.02.2013
    What do you call a fish with no eye?
    Fsh


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  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 28.02.2013
    A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar, " the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No, you weren't!" the trooper responded. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking." :p
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • KallieJ2KallieJ2 Posts: 2
    edited 05.03.2013
    A blonde called her boyfriend and said, “Please come over here and help me… I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
    Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
    The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
    Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
    He took her hand and said, “Second, I’d want you to relax… Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then…”
    He sighed, “let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
    8o
    KallieJ @ us 1
  • chloe182chloe182 Posts: 2
    edited 05.03.2013
    you no i think no one should join this
    chloe18 @ au 1 ^^ ;) 8| :0 "] '] CHLOE18 RULES
  • chloe182chloe182 Posts: 2
    edited 05.03.2013
    thats funny do you want to be friends kalliej
    chloe18 @ au 1 ^^ ;) 8| :0 "] '] CHLOE18 RULES
  • ezio auditore3ezio auditore3 Posts: 2,399
    edited 08.03.2013
    Yo mamma so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince
    Beware of "THE DARK SIDE"...(en 1):):):)
    Are you on US1, EN1 or NL1 and do you want to learn what a co-op is all about? Or do you simply want to complete the co-op task? Try the training co-op! (click here)
    Contact support here
    Larino has an mazing website full of amazing tricks and tips. All you need to do is click here
    A Big farm wiki made by our very own Katnip.That can be found here


    25iuadh.jpg
    Thanks Manish!
  • NEIL57 (GB1)NEIL57 (GB1) Posts: 202
    edited 09.03.2013
    Thats as old as Sampson playing half back for Jerusalem and Moses was leading goal scorer.
    NEIL57 @ en 1
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 11.03.2013
    Yo' mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car!
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 11.03.2013
    Store Manager: "I saw you arguing with that customer who just left. I told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?"

    Salesclerk: "Yes, Sir. The customer is always right."

    Store Manager: "That's better. Now what were you arguing with the customer about?"

    Salesclerk: "Well, Sir, he said you were an idiot."
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 11.03.2013
    A blond is feeling really lousy and goes to the doctor. He gives her a thorough examination and tells her: "Good news. You're going to have a baby!" The blond says: "I can't be pregnant. I'm not married!" The doctor says: "Well, you are pregnant." The blonde says: "Are you sure it's mine?"
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 11.03.2013
    There were two hunters from the south hunting together one day. One of the men dropped dead and the other man started to freak out and called 911. When the call came through the operator answered, "Hello, what do you need?" The hunter answered, "Well, a buddy of mine dropped dead. What do I do?" Operator: "Ok, first you have to calm down then make sure that he is dead." There is some silence then a gun shot. He gets back on the phone. "Ok, now what?"
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 11.03.2013
    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

    A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-wheel drive vehicles."

    "She did," he replied. "But where on earth was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 11.03.2013
    After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think that means?"

    "You'll know tonight," he said.

    That evening, the man came home with a package and give it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • ezio auditore3ezio auditore3 Posts: 2,399
    edited 11.03.2013
    Those jokes were great jewel :):)
    Beware of "THE DARK SIDE"...(en 1):):):)
    Are you on US1, EN1 or NL1 and do you want to learn what a co-op is all about? Or do you simply want to complete the co-op task? Try the training co-op! (click here)
    Contact support here
    Larino has an mazing website full of amazing tricks and tips. All you need to do is click here
    A Big farm wiki made by our very own Katnip.That can be found here


    25iuadh.jpg
    Thanks Manish!
  • Jaded Jewel2Jaded Jewel2 Posts: 56
    edited 12.03.2013
    Thanks! :)

    Here's one for today:

    5 people were on a plane, the pilot, a lawyer, a doctor, a preist and a boy. The pilot came out of the cockpit and said that he has bad news. "We are going to crash and I only have 4 parachutes." The pilot grabs on and says "I got us this far, I deserve to go," so he jumped. The doctor grabbed one and said, "I save a million lives, this world needs me," and he jumped. The lawyer grabbed one and said, "I'm the smartest person in this world and the world needs my brains," and he jumped. The priest turns to the boy and says, "I have had a long life. You can take the last parachute." The boy replied, "No, we can both go. The smartest person in the world just grabbed my backpack!"
    Expect nothing but the truth. I just tell it like it is...

    :rolleyes:Jaded Jewel^^
  • ezio auditore3ezio auditore3 Posts: 2,399
    edited 12.03.2013
    that was a really funny one! KILL THE LAWYERS:)
    Beware of "THE DARK SIDE"...(en 1):):):)
    Are you on US1, EN1 or NL1 and do you want to learn what a co-op is all about? Or do you simply want to complete the co-op task? Try the training co-op! (click here)
    Contact support here
    Larino has an mazing website full of amazing tricks and tips. All you need to do is click here
    A Big farm wiki made by our very own Katnip.That can be found here


    25iuadh.jpg
    Thanks Manish!
  • greyhood2greyhood2 Posts: 4,262
    edited 08.05.2013
    Cartoon%2BFunniest%2B%2BJokes%2B%2526%2BGraphics%2BPhotos.jpg
    To get the best out of life,
    Realize your past without regret,
    Handle your present with confidence,
    Prepare for the future without fear.
  • funnyhorsey6762funnyhorsey6762 Posts: 194
    edited 09.05.2013
    a Rabbi went to a far away island and on the island was a group of trids.
    when he got there it was night time and all the trids were inside their houses, so the rabbi asked why they where hiding.
    they said that a giant comes down from the mountain and kicks all the trids into the ocean.
    BOOM
    BOOM
    BOOM
    *the giant is coming*
    so the Rabbi hides in a house with 2 trids.
    the giant lifts up the roof and kicks both trids into the ocean then puts the roof down.
    the rabbi comes out and asks the giant why he didn't kick him into the ocean, the giant replies "silly rabbi kicks are for trids."
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTBKFmK4iXtd4CRviWE3NbL8apRm4ycduCph8lPGNz9J-3XZXK3Sw
    Don't forget to laugh a little
  • greyhood2greyhood2 Posts: 4,262
    edited 09.05.2013
    cartoon-apple.jpg
    To get the best out of life,
    Realize your past without regret,
    Handle your present with confidence,
    Prepare for the future without fear.
  • Raka3Raka3 Posts: 4,556
    edited 09.05.2013
    That's nice!^^
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    ~Stick to love, hate is too great a burden to bear~


    ღ Be light!! ღ
    Live. Laugh. Love. <3
  • choppychop (GB1)choppychop (GB1) Posts: 789
    edited 09.05.2013
    funny-pictures.png

    quite funny!
    Life is like a book
  • choppychop (GB1)choppychop (GB1) Posts: 789
    edited 09.05.2013
    got another one

    A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
    The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
    The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.
    "I would like to buy this TV."
    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
    Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
    "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
    Life is like a book
  • CherryCola12345CherryCola12345 Posts: 19
    edited 09.05.2013
    Hey guys, these jokes are super funny! Here is one for you:

    If there were 1000 naked people, including Adam and Eve, in a single space with 500 being men and 500 being women, and being correctly spaced out and assorted, how would you tell who Adam and Eve would be ?

    To find out the answer, highlight the invisible text below with your mouse .. :)

    Everyone else would have belly buttons and Adam and Eve would not .. :p
    CherryCola12345 @ en 1
  • CherryCola12345CherryCola12345 Posts: 19
    edited 09.05.2013
    Bored, so I'm posting another one :) .. It's kinda popular and well-known but still good ..

    Teacher: So, if you have 10 cakes and your best friend asks for 2, how many would you have left?

    Me: 10

    Teacher: (trying different approach) Oh. Well, if you had 10 cakes and some one forcefully stole 2, how many
    would you have left then?

    Me: 10 and a dead body :)
    CherryCola12345 @ en 1
  • funnyhorsey6762funnyhorsey6762 Posts: 194
    edited 09.05.2013
    lol I like that one
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTBKFmK4iXtd4CRviWE3NbL8apRm4ycduCph8lPGNz9J-3XZXK3Sw
    Don't forget to laugh a little
  • greyhood2greyhood2 Posts: 4,262
    edited 09.05.2013
    Facebook-effects-funny-facebook-status-jokes-girl-jokes-fun-790852.jpg
    To get the best out of life,
    Realize your past without regret,
    Handle your present with confidence,
    Prepare for the future without fear.
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