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Love,
Hayseed Lil
I have farmed for many years but never in my life have I ever wanted
the gift of poop so bad.
You ladies know what I mean for years we have dreamed that special package all wrapped up in that beautiful paper was flowers or candy.
Now it is just like..."Honey just bring me a wheel barrow full of poop".
The men know what I mean they also crave poop, cow,chicken pig... now even donkey and ducks..poop is poop no matter what barn it comes from and it makes the Farm Go round.
Give The Gift of Poop today!!!
Monty here - you know and love me because of my Wheel of Fortune. However, what many of you don't realize is that I am a dog pooper scooper also so please if you follow Sue-ana's advice and gift your love ones with poop - leave the little bundles of joy alone for me to clean up. There is no other way for me to gather the 400 dung I gift all of you with when you spin my wheel. Have a wonderful day and may Lady Fortune smile on you.
Burt had been having a vacation from the gourmet farm whilst the renovation work is carried out. His friend Rob noticed whilst taking a nap in the gacuzzi, that upon awaking, Burt had gone missing, leaving just his pants on the lounger. Police say it is possible he simply faded away due to the replacement of pasta with wheat in the gift sets.
Farmer K here updating you all on the fire that swept the Gourmet Farm one week ago.
As you remember, most buildings were a total loss and the fields destroyed. Luckily, the goats were not harmed. Insurance was quick to cover the loss so rebuilding could begin.
The workers most effected by these losses were the café employees. When asked about his work and his staff, Chef O'mlet stated, "My kitchen was destroyed! The supplies for a new state of the art kitchen are unavailable. I must relearn my craft and create new items that require only an oven. I am a classically trained French-chef and now I must bake. It is a challenge, but I am up for it. Many of my kitchen staff are now working the fields to ensure that we grow the highest quality fruits and nuts for our bakery products. We are also exploring new ways to make our farm profitable again after this devastating fire."
Many workers remain unemployed after this disaster. For now they are enjoying the open spaces and abundance of decorations. It was also noted that ducks and donkeys have taken up residence after the fire. Some workers have found employment tending to these, others are just enjoying their presence.
As noted in an earlier article, the property values on the Gourmet Farm have increased significantly since the fire. It may be that the easier life-style and increased beauty has contributed to this increase in property values.
After the destruction of the gourmet farm, buildings was replace, but farmers are angry for the lost of the restaurant. Many complain that the bakery is draining there money, and are wanting it to change. They are rebelling, grabbing there torch and pitchfork, if the change doesn't happen soon, this will get ugly. I will give more details soon.
I first became suspicious about the mill when I noticed the water wheel wasn't turning. After all, there would need to be a flowing current to power a mill and it is sitting in a still pond. When I went to take a closer look I was quickly turned away by a threatening security guard. Then reports of disgruntled cows and workers started coming in. With the suspicion of starvation and talk of torches and pitchforks, I knew it was time I got inside. So last night I hid myself in one of the inbound cartloads of lamb's lettuce to bring you the real story.
As it turns out, it is not a mill at all. It is a state of the art gourmet kitchen powered by a cold fusion reactor recovered from the alien crash site. And the cows and workers are justified in their outrage. You can't believe the meals that are being prepared for the gourmet animals! Goats are dining on Dandelion Greens in a Balsamic Reduction. Donkeys are served Barley Pilaf with Mixed Wild Mushrooms. And ducks feast on Lamb's Lettuce under Mustard-Shallot Sauce. No wonder it takes so long to get them all fed!
Thanks to Cow, Titch and ndf for inspiration :-)
Breaking news! today i took a look at the cow shed, and seen that milk producing is longer. I went to investigate the wheat use to make cow feed, it turn out that activity from the alien crash site have poison the wheat. Right now the effect are safe, but who know what other effect will soon happen.
Farmer K here bringing you the latest news from the corn field. Crop circles have appeared overnight. The chickens are restless and extra noisy this fine, beautiful morning. The workers appear to enjoy gazing upon the crop circles. However, there is extra work to be done here on the farm. The corn needs to be brought in early and new corn planted. This work will continue all day or until the crop circles have been eliminated.
Stay tuned for updates from our reporting team.
Well some culprits just have too much time on their hands. Aparently someone replaced the Essence of jasmine with some dung in the scented perfume recipie. At the time of reporting this story we are not sure who did this but farm security is on the look out for anyone with a hint of jasmine about them.
I guess in Essence this is a crappy crime
Carissa here reporting from the farm. Farm hands are finding tiny parts that look like they could be from out of this world. They say they are finding them in the fields and orchards. Farmers have had a hard time believing it and were led to believe that the pranking twin was at it again causing havoc across many farms. People are getting very upset and he has gotten lots of threats. He has assured some people that it's true and has even come out with photos. It's hard to make any of them out cause they are all taken in the dark, but there are some weird stuff seen in those photos. We were asked not to mention what was seen. Some weird footprints have been found on a few farms since then. So we all ask. Is it big foot coming out of hiding again, or is it really some odd looking creatures from out of this world just investigating our world? It has everyone scared to death for sure. Even the animals are left uneasy and are jumpy, more so the cows.
If seen go to the website whitebunnyspotted.com
Has this bunny made friends? Or did it give birth? Seems like recently there has been a few more movement in the bushes.
Appears this bunny is EXACTLY 1 ft tall. And if ANY more special detailing please, please, please send in evidence to whitebunnyspotted.com
Not only is this little one friendly but has caused a little trouble, AND has stolen much cabbage from multiple fields! Might need take action? :0
Hope you don't mind my NEWS but you didn't include it.
Well, last night on the farm, we were doing some cheering and dancing to help the corn fields along, knowing they will help with finding the UFO parts that were scattered about. Also with The Chickens or The Eggs.
Seems like the kindergartners have been busy trying to color eggs for the rabbit for Easter. But we at the farm can't help but think they are more interested in playing with the bunny than helping him, seeings how it's taking too long to find the colored eggs. People are getting a little anxious.
Seems like karmit did uncover the truth-eggs!? Might this be the easter bunny?
Updated news-
Seems like JUST yesterday someone reported several colored eggs in chicken coops. So they have handed them over to be inspected. They found out that these eggs aren't colored by kindergartners but are naturally colored! Might these be the white bunny's eggs? Later, we found out that the kindergartners were actually finding the eggs, not coloring them!
So what we think so far is that there is a white bunny dropping it's OWN eggs in several farmer's lands. Not kindergartners coloring them! So if any further information please send in news and evidence to whitebunnyspotted.com. Thanks and now we hear from
Thanks to all the readers for supporting The Daily Spud... spread the word.
Now for some more reporting.....
There could be some truth to the fact that this whole alien thing is just a big Hoax. I have been investigating and there are No spaceships!! If an alien did land on the farm there would be more than fake cartoon UFO parts. I mean not all Aliens can be bad drivers and crash into the fields at least one ship should remain
Also I think Trumpety has been out in the fields making Crop Circles.
As for the Galactic Garden some people are selling. Very colorful but it does not make me as happy as laying on the beach.
Don't be fooled people your farm was probably invaded by Trumpety who shot circus parts all over the farm and than sat in your fields.
This is Sue-ana reporting to you from somewhere on the farm
I almost laughed out my insides!
Keep all eyes peeled for the white bunny.
But now, we shall explain WHY you should buy stuff from "A Hot Deal".
Did you know that you could get a 100% off deal on $$. This *cough*-anything but a skeleton, mountain of flesh guy is actually amazingly generous! Check out A Hot Deal!
It does explain all the people walking backwards on April Fools Day...
Post edited by Kat Nip: Merged posts, please use the edit button
Authorities are investigating the reports of embezzlement happening in the new bakery. They have a list of possible suspects and are trying to piece together who is actually responsible. They have warned management that this may take a couple of days. Big Farm Police Captain Bob's advice is to keep a close eye on the profit that is coming out of the bakery and if math is not your talent, just stop producing until they have the suspect in custody. If there is no income coming in, then they can't steal it. Keep tuned in for updates on this story as they become available.
News from Cobby Lei and Sachel Foy
Coming to you live from
Mells Kitchen
Cobby: Sachel today we are going to make immitation Bacon bits from wildflowers.
Often artificial bacon bits are made from Tofu.
Which is exactly what we have. Many people do not know that the word Tofu means " Totaly Outrageous Flower Usage. The bacon bits will not only be edible but colorful as well.. Imagine blue,orange, fushia and green bacon sprinkled on your salad?
Sachel: Wow Cobby your such a fantastic chef and creative too. You can bottle them and sell them off Omars Wagon. Cobby's Rainbow Bacon Bits.
Cobby: Sachel that is a fantastic idea I knew you were smart as well as a wonderful 24 minute dish maker.
Sachel: Thank you Cobby your great in Kitchen not just a BBQ Guru
Join us next week for other great recipe ideas
A relic have been found on Betty farm, she claim that the the relic created light at night. Scientists are studying the relic and trying to uncover the symbols. So far the workers are enjoying the beautiful light. I will give you a update for what the relic is for soon.