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  • Mad Bunny (IN1)Mad Bunny (IN1) IN1 Posts: 1,585
    edited 13.06.2014
    Nice one :)

    Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
    Santa: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
    "Where there is love there is life. - Mahatma Gandhi"
  • peshoo3peshoo3 Posts: 1
    edited 19.06.2014
    peshoo @ WWW 1
  • naturelover2naturelover2 Posts: 8
    edited 29.06.2014
    a contractor was working on a house when a blond walked by and said "T G I F" the contractor looked at the blonde and said "S H I T" (not actually swearing as you'll see soon.) this was repeated a few times until the blonde said "didn't you know that T G I F means thank god It's Friday?" and the contractor replied, "yes I did know that. and S H I T means sorry honey it' Thursday."
    naturelover @ au 1
  • LandedGentry (US1)LandedGentry (US1) Posts: 41
    edited 22.07.2014
    Mad Lib

    Fill in the blanks.
  • farmerjohn 22 (US1)farmerjohn 22 (US1) US1 Posts: 31,520
    edited 16.08.2014
    A man goes in for a job interview and the interviewer says,"First off, I would like you to tell me what your main strengths and weaknesses are".
    "Well", he replies," My main weakness is that I sometimes have difficulty separating fantasy from reality".
    "I see", says the interviewer,"Now what are your main strengths?"

    "I'm BATMAN! 8o
  • eishaheishah Posts: 129
    edited 06.09.2014
    A boy was cycling inside a park and his mother was seeing him in every round he returns.He says in: 1st round:Mom see I am cycling;2nd round:Mom see I am one wheeling;3rd round(crying):Mom see I am...;(...Cycling with two teeth missing.
    eishah @ WWW 1
  • Totaaya26LeaderTotaaya26Leader Posts: 1
    edited 06.09.2014
    When I finished building HMS dried sea
    It is beautiful to live life beside of love

    good good eishah

    Edit by PINJO: merged posts, please use edit button
    Totaaya26Leader @ WWW 1
  • eishaheishah Posts: 129
    edited 06.09.2014
    good good eishah
    eishah @ WWW 1
  • rata22rata22 Posts: 49
    edited 04.03.2015
    "What do you think that I was doing out in the woods?" asked Scott.

    "Maybe you caught a rabbit and ate it?" suggested Stiles.

    "Raw!" gasped a shocked Scott.

    "No, you are suppose to bake it in your special werewolf oven..." Stiles

    Adapted from Teen Wolf

    Measure not the day until the day's out and the labor done. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • SystemSystem Posts: 106,642
    edited 07.03.2015
  • SystemSystem Posts: 106,642
    edited 07.03.2015
    [h=3]Time-Travel Joke[/h]
    Q: What's a light-year?
    A: It's just like a regular year, but with fewer calories.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 106,642
    edited 07.03.2015
  • RunsWivScissors (GB1)RunsWivScissors (GB1) GB1 Posts: 6,633
    edited 07.03.2015
    A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who had 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they agreed to drive 30 miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

    The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5am, loaded the pigs into the station wagon and drove the 30 miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the station wagon and proceeded to try again.

    This continued each morning for more than a week, until o
    ne morning the farmer was so tired, he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or the grass."
    "Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

  • cabo (INT1)cabo (INT1) Posts: 360
    edited 08.03.2015
    A man tells his friend:
    My wife and I had another big arguement last night, BUT, this time she came crawling to me on her hands and knees!
    Astonished, the friend asks:
    Wow-What did she say?
    Man answers:
    She said "Get out from under that bed, you coward!"

    CarolineFarmer @ us 1


  • rata22rata22 Posts: 49
    edited 08.03.2015
    Stiles: We would have to freeze you in carbonite to get you down there.
    Liam: OK, then where do we get carbonite?
    Stiles: Seriously? You haven't seen any either?

    -Taken from Teen Wolf
    Measure not the day until the day's out and the labor done. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • kbahr007 (US1)kbahr007 (US1) US1 Posts: 1,841
    edited 08.03.2015
    Did you hear about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the w's?, You can substitute female, for blondee, or maan for blonde, whatever
  • farmerjohn 22 (US1)farmerjohn 22 (US1) US1 Posts: 31,520
    edited 11.03.2015
    Two men were standing in front of a church and both of them were holding signs which read "THE END IS NEAR!". A car then went roaring past and the two men heard a huge CRASH! One of the men said to the other,
    " Maybe we should change our signs to say "BRIDGE OUT!".
  • rata22rata22 Posts: 49
    edited 15.03.2015
    Stiles: Hi puppy. Get rid of it.
    Scott McCall: Me?
    Stiles: Yes you. Glow your eyes at it. Something. Be the Alpha

    And yes, that is from Teen Wolf.
    Measure not the day until the day's out and the labor done. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  • Mina0o (INT1)Mina0o (INT1) Posts: 1,309
    edited 30.03.2015
    A woman was in bed with her young lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
    “Hurry, she said, stand in the corner.”
    She rubbed Baby Oil all over him, and then totally dusted him all over with Talcum Powder.
    “Right, don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Just pretend you’re a Statue. ’
    “What’s this..?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
    “Oh it’s a statue.” she replied. The Smiths bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.’
    No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
    Around 2am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
    “Here,” he said to the statue, “have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.

    Mina0o @ WWW 1 DeputySisters and co
  • DiyazreeDiyazree Posts: 6
    edited 01.04.2015
    Boss:Where were you born?
    Sardar: India...
    Boss: Which part?
    Sardar: What 'which part'? My whole body was born in India.
    Diyazree @ in 1
  • why did the tomato blush? because it saw the salad dressing!!!
    why did the cow cross the road? because it wanted to go to the moooooovies!!!!!
    why did the possum cross the road? because it wanted to see its flatmate!!!!
    there was a one storey pink house everything was pink, the people were pink, the couch was pink, everything was pink, what colour were the stairs? There were no stairs it was a one storey house!!!!

    By Harriet
    ( please leave a comment! :))
  • wow what a great thread, didn`t saw it b4
    my joke
    man 1:why isn`t the prime minister not seen in the morning?
    man 2: cz he`s the P.M not A.M :P
    Image result for spongebob imagination
  • Kleine Jan (NL1)Kleine Jan (NL1) NL1 Posts: 283
    At the mall starts a new sales man,his supervisor told him that ther most salesmans have about 75 sales a day. No problem says the newbie and goes to work for his first day.
    At the end of the day the supervisor comes over to him and asked the newbie howmany sales he had that day.Full of proudness the newbie told the supervisor he had 1 sale on the whole day,but worth $ 154.000,-
    The supervisor asked the newbie what he sold for that amount of money. The newbie started his story what he all sold. 1 a fishinghook,then a fishingpole.But the customer had no boat so he sold him a boat on a trailer,the customer had no big car sold he sold him a big 4x4 truck,safetyvests etc etc..
    The supervisor asked the newbie how he could sale all those goods to 1 customer. The newbie says to the supervisor the next. It was very easy,the customer came into the mall and asked for a big pack of sanitairy towels. The newbie responded to the client Why you don,t go fishing after all this will be a lost weekend for you o:)
  • here is my joke
    Police : where do you live?
    Me : with my parents:smile:
    Police : where do your parents live:smile:
    Me : with me
    Police : where do you all live:smile:
    Me : together:smile:
    Police : where is you house:smile:
    Me : next to my neighbors house
    Police : where is your neighbors house 
    Me : you won't believe me if i tell you
    Police : tell m:smile:
    Me : next to my house.
    Saleet-ul-ain @ www ghafoorahmed (US 1) how romanric  ???

  •  Mum:Henry, we`re having Aunt Ruby for lunch this Sunday!
    Henry:Can`t we have roast beef instead?

    (lol, get it Henry thinks he is eating his Aunt for lunch on Sunday. #ROFL
  • ghafoorahmed (INT1)ghafoorahmed (INT1) Posts: 2,912
    edited 16.07.2016
    Only a genious can say
    these four words
    Four times really fast witout getting tongue twisted
    Eye. Yem Stew Peed
    Saleet-ul-ain @ www ghafoorahmed (US 1) how romanric  ???

  • farmerjohn 22 (US1)farmerjohn 22 (US1) US1 Posts: 31,520
    edited 16.07.2016
                  A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of your truck?" The farmer replied, "No, I didn't know that." The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis". The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis." So the farmer promised he would. Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again. The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."
  • Things to do:-
    1-Dig a hole
    2-Name it love
    3-watch people fall in love ;)
    Saleet-ul-ain @ www ghafoorahmed (US 1) how romanric  ???

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